Saturday, November 15, 2008

Needing Space

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been doing other things, and everytime I have gone to update something has come up.
I have been talking to a guy, and there has been talk of maybe taking things from friendship to something more. The "R" word as he called it. This was a few days ago. Now, I am not so sure where we stand.
Thursday morning, he tells me that he sometimes gets too attached to people. Thursday night, he's asking if he's allowed to talk about the "R" word.I went to bed with butterflies in my tummy.
However, Friday morning, I got to thinking about what he had said Thursday morning. Friday afternoon, I asked him if this new talk was simply because he was getting too attached or if he was serious. He claims he was serious. And then, last night we stepped on each other's toes.
While I was talking to him on the phone, I went down to the lobby because a friend called me and said she was lonely and needed to be kept company so she wouldn't fall asleep at work. I figured I could go down there, keep talking to him, and she would just occasionally make her teasing comments. Once I got down there, it was a completely different story. There were tons of people, who hadn't been down there when she called.
Those who couldn't leave the building asked me to go to McDonald's to pick them up some food. So I took food orders and went. Before I even left the parking lot, he told me that he was going to run to the store and that he would call me later. He called me three and a half hours later, after I had already been asleep for over an hour. So he said Goodnight and let me go.
He told me yesterday that his plans for the weekend were to play videogames and watch the Couture vs. Lesnar fight. I am fine with this. We haven't instant messaged each other or talked on the phone today. This unusual for us. If nothing else, we talk for at least five minutes everyday. I am not going to push it. I am not going to call him. I am not going to leave him messages through yahoo. I am just going to let him take a break from me. If he wants to talk, he knows where to find me.
I will admit I did something that may have been a little hurtful to his feelings. The other day he got onto me for not studying. He asked me how I felt about it. I told him that after he was done I mentally seperated myself from him. He was just a being that was there until later. Maybe, I shouldn't have said that, but it was true.
I don't know what he wants from me. I don't know what he expects from me. He tells me to be truthful, to just be me, but it seems like I am constantly stepping on his toes whenever I answer one of his questions. Maybe distance and space is the answer. I'll let you know how it goes.

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