I am slowly becoming more comfortable with being accountable to someone else, although we are still working on dynamics of it. Sometimes, I don't feel comfortable bringing up certain subjects on the matter with him, but as I said, we are both still working on our comfort zones. I can't really talk to any of my friends about it because if they knew, they would absolutely freak, deman that I get help, and would never hear the end. However, there are a few people online that are starting to push on my boundaries.
They don't know me. They don't know the full story about M and me. At first, it was just a small mention of me finding a mentor. That's fine. I have no problem with anyone making suggestions. But they didn't just stop there. Now, they are saying how I really need to find me a mentor that lives close by and should drive to.
In person, I am very private. Most of my friends have never even seen me wear shorts. M and I didn't meet because I was looking for someone to help me stay on track right now in my life. No, M and I met, and it developed into what we have now over a period of time.
I am starting to feel uncomfortable with people not settling for the fact that I don't want some stranger seeing me bare and then whipping me for my misdeeds. I don't want the people that I work with and go to school with finding out that I occasionally need more than the simple "Don't do that or do this". It doesn't matter if there are worse things. I am not comfortable with others that I have to see everyday knowing.
Anybody else ever have this happen or I am I just being too emotional over this?
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Honey, we are all unique individuals. All have a different past, present and future. All carry different baggage through our lives. You must follow your own instincts...if it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it! I too, would be MORTIFIED if ANYONE else knew about this aspect of my life. My partner and I have a private life; spanking/dd/hoh are part of that private life, and everyone is entitled to keep their sex lives private. Telling about some things on our blogs is ok as far as I am concerned, because we are anonymous here, but if anyone I knew recognised me, I would hate it.
I too was shy talking about some things with my man at first; so I emailed him! That way, I didn't have to discuss it with him; he could read it and I didnt have to actually SAY it!
You will become more confident and comfortable in time, just take things slowly, what's the rush? Don't be pushed into anything you are not ready for. If unsure, say no, you can always try it at a later date if you change your mind!
God bless you on your journey. xxx
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